08.19.07
Guns Don’t Kill People.
Two of them, actually, on the back of a sixtysomething old white man’s truck. The first sticker said “Guns don’t kill people, Criminals do”. I thought about the reasoning behind this argument and came to the conclusion that, hey, you know, totally right. The availability of guns, in fact the right to bear arms given us in our once-sacred Constitution (available now in toilet paper form from thespoof.com) has no bearing on whether people get bullets fired into them. Hell, you can fire a bullet with a hammer. I personally would support a vote outlawing hammers, or at least one requiring more thorough background checks; a baby could crawl into a dollar store and nab one of these bad boys. Guns, so I thought, were nothing to worry about.
Then I saw his other sticker: “Keep honking, I’m reloading”. That’s right – road rage is not classified as a crime, so long as the NRA’s got your back and you’re not a criminal (and you have the bumper stickers to show for it). Keep smiling, Dallas, and remember – if you’re not packing heat, there’s somebody out there who will surely kill you dead. So buy two guns, and carry them around at all times. Or outfit your SUV with them. In hidden compartments. There’s absolutely no reason to worry about the gun culture in America. Guns are tools, kids, not weapons, and they really don’t appreciate the bad rap anymore. When those darned Islamic fundamentalist terrorists finally take over our country, I want nothing more than a roving band of vigilante militant citizens roaming my streets in lieu of an organized defense force. What are your thoughts?
